
Vanishing
Each day
Little by little
Memories evanesce into darkness
Alzheimer’s
Who knows when the fog descended, your intelligence
It hid your secret, until you were at the point of no return
But the storm of your last six weeks could not deny the plaques and tangles,
The snarled mat of mind disintegration, consuming consciousness
I was the one had to take your car keys, the doctors would not help
I was the one that had to hide your guns, the police would not help
Their fear of lawsuit left them impotent
So each day I would check on you, alone
Not knowing if the wind would be coming out of the north or south.
Not knowing what lay behind the closed door in the darkened room
Then came the day that would last forever, what would be the eye of this storm.
Your relentless desperation for a gun, wanting to die in your own bed next to Mom
Then with your wife safely hidden away in the sanctuary of a friend
We began our unholy race, knowing we would all lose in the end
So I was forced to choose; there was no solace here,
Standing on the abyss of unfathomable emotions
The twist of fate, the parent-child relationship spun on its head
Protecting you from yourself, Mom from your delusions
Oh Freud would have a field day with this
Your id isolated and locked away in all its destructive glory
At first you would not talk to me, volcanic eruptions of anger,
Then you held my hand, conspiring like two naughty children
“Let me out please, I will behave”
“I will say anything I have to, let me go home”
The last time I fed you sweet, cool ice cream, your eyes shined
But inside you were wasting, wasting, wasting away
Sinew-shrunk; just skin, bones and confusion
Fear and suffering your companion until your final
Breath
In response to Patrick Jennings Pic and a Word Challenge #172: Vanishing
February 1, 2019 at 11:05 pm
Your have written this poem with a delicate touch of affection. I walked with you through every step of your experience, sentence by sentence. Thank you for sharing your open heart.
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February 1, 2019 at 11:35 pm
I was the one who had to take my father’s keys too. Twenty years ago. Nothing was ever the same.
Thank you for sharing.
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February 2, 2019 at 5:48 am
so sad and beautiful
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February 2, 2019 at 6:54 am
Thank you Beth
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February 2, 2019 at 6:57 am
Thank you Hélène. It was a painful part of my life. Many people are going through something similar and I want them to know they aren’t alone.
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February 2, 2019 at 7:02 am
Car keys are their symbol of freedom. You’re right, once you take that away everything shifts.
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February 2, 2019 at 9:47 am
I did appreciate it as I took care of my husband at home for three years while he had dementia, finally the doctor did take his car keys away. Eventually I had no more options to keep him home and the pain of him now being a nursing home is felt everyday. Though I visit often, it rips my heart each time I leave him.
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February 2, 2019 at 9:54 am
Powerful.
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February 2, 2019 at 11:24 am
Reblogged this on On My Feet and commented:
Powerful and achingly written…
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February 2, 2019 at 12:19 pm
I am so sorry Hélène. Hugs to you and him.
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February 2, 2019 at 12:19 pm
Thank you Xingfu
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February 2, 2019 at 12:22 pm
Thank you Grove. It was hard to post. I actually started it four years ago and couldn’t finish it. I accidentally came across it yesterday and decided to finish and post.
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February 2, 2019 at 12:45 pm
Thank you and to you too, your were very courageous to do all you did.
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February 2, 2019 at 1:06 pm
I’m glad you did.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and your gifts.
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February 3, 2019 at 6:36 pm
Oh so heart-wrenching. And loving.
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Pingback: Fences ~ Pic and a Word Challenge #173 – Pix to Words
February 4, 2019 at 11:28 pm
Poignant, beautiful, heartbreaking. ❤ ❤
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February 4, 2019 at 11:29 pm
Thank you Patrick
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February 6, 2019 at 1:49 am
Hey,
I’m working on my debut poetry book and preparing a mailing list. Would you like me to add your e-mail address please? If so, can you share it with me?
I don’t plan to do hard-core promotion, I will be e-mailing you privately not through any software.
I will just inform you when it’s available and when there is some huge fluctuation in price (sale etc.), as on WordPress reader, posts get lost in stampede.
I won’t be mailing you more than 4 to 5 times a year, and that’s max. Promise!
And if you want it to share it privately you can do that through contact form on my blog.
Thank you 🙂
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February 6, 2019 at 1:53 am
Sure: Christy.draper@gmail.com. Congratulations and best wishes!
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February 6, 2019 at 3:09 am
thank you so much 🙂
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